Men we love to hate ...

• Husbands whose New Year resolutions are cutting down on beer, cigars, watchting football, and hanging out with their buddies, then spend all of New Year's Day drinking beer, smoking cigars, and watching football with their buddies.

• Lovers who say, "...Nowhere," when you ask where they had lunch or where they spent the night - on New Year's Eve.

• Husbands who won't change a light bulb for you, but will spend the whole weekend wiring a sound system their buddy got for Christmas.

• Husbands who say, "I like a woman with meat on her bones," when you ask them if you've gained a pound or two after the holidays.

• Guys who slurp down milk shakes, doughnuts, burgers and fries in front of you because they want to "put on a few pounds!"

• Fathers who think a nourighing breakfirst for your toddler on a cold winter day is a stick of beek jerky (meat), a bag of Fritos (bread), a Snickers bar (milk), and a jelly apple (fruit).

• Men who get a migraines after the holidays.

• Road service guys who don't show up to dig your car out till the spring thaw.

• Breathers on the telephone who want to know "What you're wearing?" -- when there's a blizzard outside.

• Guys who forget you're walking with them, cross major boulevards, and don't notice you're then miles behind them and almost got run over by a snowplow.

• Guys who think it's a riot to blow straw wrappers at the waiter in a restaurant - then tell you you're embarrassing them when you ask for a doggie bag.

• Guys who break wind in a closed car and blame it on a sulfur plant in New Jersey.

• Guys who wear hats with earflaps.

• Husbands who track in a snowdrift, wait for it to become a river, then don't bother mopping it up because "See... ? It's evaporating."

• Guys who stick snow down your back, laugh hysterically and say, "Could enough for ya?"

• Husbands who still have their Bermuda shorts on the floor from last August because they're "wearing them tomorrow".

• First dates who keep applying Chap Stick all night, like they're expecting "action"

• Husbands who take apart every drawer in the house trying to find the instructions for the snowblower, then scream yhen you reach for the weekend section of the paper because you're "getting it out of order."

• Husbands who insist you stop at the self-service pump in an ice storm when you're dressed for a wedding -- because it's a few cents cheaper.

• White guys who try to rap like Wu-Tang Clan to impress their black friends on Martin Luther King Day.

• Men who still drive a 1978 Pinto till they "run it down to the ground" -- or it blows up while you're using it in a blizzard.

• Husbands who wait till you're asleep to turn down the thermostat, so you wake up in Antarctica.

• Husbands who burn a threequart pot making a single pouch of instant outmeal - and leave it for you to scrub.

• Dates who offer you a dring and tote out those little airplane booze bottles and peanut bags they've squirreled away.

• Guys who take you back to their place and haven't cleaned the toilet bowl sind the first Super Bowl.

• Husbands who invite "the gang" over for potluck on Super Bowl Sunday -- and forget to tell you.

• Husbands who come home three hours late every night and remind you that you've been late, too - like the time that tractor-trailer ran you into a snowbank.

• Guys who think rolled-up car Windows are one-way-mirrors -- and pick their noses at every traffic light like no one can see them.

• Husbands who tell you when you have a 104-degree fever and are doubled over in pain, "Maybe if you get up and make dinner, you'll feel better."

• Husbands who tell you when you have a 104-degree fever and are doubled over in pain, "Since you're already in bed ... wanna cuddle?"

• Dates who stick chopsticks up their nose to "entertain" the waiter at Mei Chow's because it's the Chinese New Year.

• Dates with sweaty palms -- and it's 5 degree outside.

• Guys who sleep all winter, then if they poke their heads out and see their shadows, crawl back into their holes.

• Husbands who swear the toilet seat was down the last time they were in there, then laugh hysterically when you fall in screaming at 3 A.M.

• Husbands who say, "My ex never minded my going to Tahiti without her on my winter vacation.

• Husbands who open every door and window and put on the air-conditioner so they can "get some fresh air" when it's 10 degrees and snowing outside.

• Men who wear ascots - and swar they have nothing to hide.

• "Big-Shots" who use "Tan-Forever" for that attractive orange glow - then lie about their winter in Costa del Sol.

• Husbands who bring in a pizza - with half a piece missing because the got "hungry" on the two-block trip home.

• Husbands who ask you to drive, then carry on that you're going too slow or too fast, and grab the steering wheel ever two blocks.

• Guys who think a 900 sex chat line in Santo Domingo is a neat way to meet their "true love".

• Guys who pick out all the lemon and cherry jelly-eans -- and stick you with the licorice ones.

• Guys who send you xeroxed love letters.

• Guys who give their perfumed magazine ads -- "as a gift".

• Husbands who buy you a Thightmaster for Valentine's Day.

• Guys who show up with your Valentine's Day gift a day late - but assure you the Chia Pet will last.

• Husbands who actually bought you good chocolates - but ate them all and blamed it on your two-year-old.

• Fathers who lecture the kids about Honest Abe and George Washington's cherry tree - then sneak in at 3 A.M., reeking of cigar smoke and clinking like one-armed bandits - and swear you're "jumping to conclusions" when you accuse them of playing poker all night.

• Guys who blame the president for "Sqandering" their tax dollars - then get themselves fired to collect unemployment insurance and claim "it's the American way".

• Husbands who hide their Hustler magazines under your stack of Good Housekeeping - so your mother nearly has a heart attack when she thumbs for a chicken breast recipe.

• Fathers who hide their Hustler magazines in your lingerie drawer - so your teen-age son thinks you're the sleazy one when he's snooping.

• Guys who can't lift their legs to let you vacuum - but can run off a ski weekend with their buddies.